It's almost 2 AM and I should be asleep, but I'm not.

I'm not going to re-read this blog so I apologize in advance for any nonsense and misspelling I'm about to make.

I hate tomatoes and melons of all colors and sizes, including the melon of the water variety. It's not that I don't try to like these foods, in fact, I would love to like these foods because they look delicious, but I just cannot stomach the taste or texture. That had nothing to do with what I wanted to write about, it just came out and now I've forgotten the reason for wanting to write, so I shall now ramble about any and everything...

I chopped all my hair off. This is the shortest I have ever willingly had my hair (besides the time I was 3 and my parents decided they wanted to have 3 little boys for a few months, hence why I said willingly). I like it, a lot actually. Shorter time spent in the shower, shorter time styling, my Connan O'Brian cowlick behaves better, I don't have to pull my hair back before going to sleep, I look even more like a rock star (which seems to be the motivation behind all of my hair cutting endeavors), and I'm not looking to attract a husband so I could care less if the boys are upset I cut my hair (grow up and deal with it, hair grows back). I like changing my hair. Since September I have dyed it twice and cut it 3 times (4 if you count the angled-bob Hayle did before cutting the rest of my hair in the same day). It's like art... on my head.

I'm at home for a while, at least until Easter, just chilling, doing art, reading, using commas as much as possible, and probably incorrectly.

I bought a book called "Eat Right 4 Your Blood Type" and, besides the annoying use of a number where a word should be, the book has some really interesting stuff on foods that you should eat according to the blood type you are. Me, for example, I'm Type-A. According to the book meat and I are not friends due to lack of stomach acids that can't break down animal proteins. This is wonderful news since I have never really liked eating meat, because it made me feel gross after I ate it, maybe it was because my body's like "Hey! I can't digest the crap you're feeding me!" So now I feel no shame adopting more of my "granola" personality and embracing tofu and soy, mmm mmm! Although I don't agree with it's stress relief ideas: I love yoga, yes, but give me a volleyball and I'll show you some stress relief.

Happy April Fools Day! Just kidding, that's tomorrow.... hehe.

Oh and I want to adopt a puppy sometime, hopefully in the near future and I've been thinking a lot about LT and getting really excited that everything I've been waiting for is about to start. It doesn't even seem real. 2 months before summer trips and about 5 until Summit starts, holy poo... I'm in love with life.

What just happened..... ?

I don't usually post twice in one day, let alone twice in the same couple of hours, but what JUST happened is worthy of sharing with the world because I'm Still laughing about it.
Dawn and I have been sitting in OTD for about an hour or two and this African American man came over and was talking to the guy with the bad music taste, about Wi-Fi or something. I wasn't really paying attention. Until... The strange man appears to my right... I think he's going to talk to me about my computer/Wi-Fi or something of that sort... I was concerned and I must have had a concerned look on my face because after the "Excuse me miss" he says "Don't worry I'm not trying to scare you." (Well that's real comforting...) Then the conversation happens as follows::

"I was sitting over there and I think you are very attractive and I would be honored if I could give my cell phone number."

At this point I'm at a loss for words and I was quickly trying to think of some polite yet direct way of telling this man that I was not interested. So I blurted out that I was moving to Chicago in a month to start a new job and that I wasn't even going to be around. Then he started asking me a bunch of questions about Chicago and then rambled on about how there's nothing for people in St. Louis and how people want to go every other place before they want to come here. I nod and to myself wonder if he's ever going to leave or if he's going to stay and talk to me until I relent to letting him give me his number. Then, he says "Well I wish you the best of luck." and then leaves.

Then Dawn and I crack up because that actually just happened. Hahaha.
The entire time this is what's going on in my head::

Can I have yo numba?

I love life, hahaha.

All the little things...

It seems to be the little things in life that make me the happiest. Here are a few of the things I am loving right now::

1) There is a bowl by the door in the apartment in which I can throw my keys in when I get home.
2) I now live within walking distance of St. Ferdinand Park (aka the park with THE best sand volleyball courts and a great place to run).
3) I get to do Yoga when I wake up in the morning.
4) We have a dishwasher.
5) I live even closer to Old Town Doughnuts.
6) I found a neat chain for my St. Anthony charm Kaite Rawlings got for me my Sophomore year.
7) I got to write some Thank You's and got to tell some really great people how awesome I think they are.
8) I finally have time to study because I want to and not because I have to for a class.
9) They guy sitting 4 feet from me finally put in headphones so I no longer have to listen to his honky-tonk country crap music.
10) One of my really good friends/roommate #2 is getting married on Saturday.

There are more but I want to keep these blog things as short as possible :)

The end is here...

So the trip is done and over with but it doesn't even feel like it even happened. It feels like something out of a Sci-Fi movie where the main character thinks he remembers something, but the memories were really just implanted in his brain and none of it ever really happened or there was some kind of time warp and we really never left the car. Anyway, I want to go back where it's warm. Mandy and I recorded this vlog right after I woke up in Oklahoma::

The last day...

Today is the last full day in Cali and I'm really sad to be leaving. I feel as though I fit here. My crazy driving is actually useful, it's sunny, it's warm, there are all kinds of out door activities, no snow, no ice, lots of gorgeous scenery, no farm land; I could keep going, but I won't. I mentioned to my dad that I loved it out here, all he said was, "No." Haha, that was it, "No." I think I shall put this idea into my "Future Folder" right next to coaching basketball and saving the world.

This was a much needed trip for both Mandy and me. Mandy for a time of detoxing all that life had crapped on her this semester and me for a reminder that the real world still exists. Sometimes I get wrapped up in what's right in front of me and forget that there's a whole world of people and places still to be seen. I now want to see it all and it doesn't seem like an impossibility. Life seems to be teeming around my feet and my inhibitions and fear seems to be fleeting by the day. I'm really excited to see where I will be a year from now, because I sure as heck didn't think that I would be where I am now a year ago.

I'm not really looking forward to the 30 hour ride in the car we're about to embark on... again. We're going to have to branch out from our "S" snacks and incorporate some beef jerky and Dr. Pepper. Mandy's already told me I'm not allowed to do another 12 hour driving spree, but I told her I could not make any promises I didn't intend to keep.

We hit the beach one last time this afternoon, this time we went to the harbor on the south side of the beach. I came with the idea that this was going to be a religious experience and that I would feel even closer to the Creator of the Universe by seeing the ocean. It was beautiful, but God didn't show up. He was not in the wind, the waves, or the sand. It was an abrupt realization and I pondered this during my quiet time. Coincidentally I read through Hebrews during this time too. This is what I read:

For Jesus has been counted worthy of more glory than Moses—as much more glory as the builder of a house has more honor than the house itself. (For every house is built by someone, but the builder of all things is God.) Hebrews 3:3-4

God is the creator and the creator cannot become a part of his own creation any more than a builder can be a pillar in his own house. The wind, the waves, the sun, the sky, the stars, they all shout who He is and will never contain Him. He is worthy of more glory than that. The mighty ocean, God is more powerful than. The brilliant sun, God's light is brighter than. The still night sky, God's peace is more calming than. Everything this world contains is a mere glimpse of His glory. How beautiful and frightening He must truly be.

The Day We Did Nothing

Today we really did nothing... well, besides watch movies.
Today I've watched::
Kazaam
Kung Fu Panda
Secret Life of Bees
A Knight's Tale
Monsters vs. Aliens
Get Smart
and we're currently watching Waynes World (Besides, she's a psycho hose beast... If she were president she would be Baberham Lincoln... ).

Thanks to our Malibu beach trip I met my goal of filling my Nalgene with shells and as an added bonus the Coca-Cola bottel I saved from Mas Poquito is also filled with shells. Mission accomplished.

My angry rock::


This guy's not angry... he's just a little crabby::

On a positive note I think the cat and the dog are starting to get along... ::

Not really, Bronx (the dog) still just wants to eat Mims' (the cat) face. Can't say I blame him.

That's it, the end. I've got to get back to Wayne's World... party on...

Oh and for the dumb moment of the day:: I thought I heard thunder, but it was really the government blowing crap up on base. Neat, eh?

Tea with Ghandi

There is a reason there was no blog yesterday, it's called I was having the best two days of the whole Cali trip. Mandy has some friends that live in Burbank, CA so we took a road trip within our road trip to go see them. I won't bore you with the details, but it was the best things we've done this whole trip. Best Mexican food I've ever eaten (Poquito Mas), best Disney movie I've seen in a long time (Princess and the Frog), best beach I've ever seen (El Matador Beach in Malibu). We did some touristy things too: Hollywood sign, Chinese Theater, Walk of Fame, lookout over the city (holy poo, it was pretty). What I liked most was that seeing all these things took about an hour, besides the look out, that took a little longer because we had to jump a fence... Aww yea!
In the morning Irina (ear-ree-nah), our wonderful and gracious hostess, made us (well really me, because Mandy didn't eat anything) toast and tea for breakfast. My cup had a Gandhi quote on it and it's one that I love dearly :: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

In my three years at a Christian College I wish that I had a dollar for every time I heard someone say they were waiting to hear where God was calling them. As if God was going to plop down in the chair next to them and tell them all they were supposed to do. So what about free will? We get no say in what we want to do? We just have to wait? I don't think so. Jesus didn't make the fish and loaves appear out of thin air to feed the five thousand, like a magic trick. He needed the raw material to make a miracle. A body in motion is easier to direct than a body at rest. You want purpose? You want change? Give God some fish. Get up, get out, and start living your life. Stop waiting for God to tell you what to do because He's not going to drop down out of the sky. Be the change you wish to see.

I've started living my life::

(Lights over LA)

(Cave by the Malibu beach)

(Mountains in Flagstaff, AZ)

(Camp Pendleton Beach; Oceanside, CA)

Where will your life take you?

Dani California

I don't like cats and I thought that Mandy's sister's cat (Mimsy) was going to be different, but after last night there is no hope for tolerance. Mims likes to paw at the door at night, which I have no problem sleeping through or ignoring, but last night there was no scratching, which was a nice change. About 20 minutes later Mandy and I hear some noise, we think Mims is about to start her nightly annoyance. Then, 2 seconds later: Holy Poop! SOMETHING FURRY IS LICKING MY ARM! The stupid cat was locked in the room with us and nearly made me wet the bed. THAT is why I am not a cat person. They're sneaky and evil and they trick you into liking them and then they turn crazy.

I got fried at the beach, but I soaked in the bath tub until I got hypothermia and I think I'm going to be ok. I'm going to drink some aloe vera before I got to bed, for healing from the inside out, just kidding that's gross.

I've had The Red Hot Chili Pepper's song "Dani California" stuck in my head since we left on Thursday. I really like the name Dani (for a girl) and Lilah (I like Delilah, but I wouldn't want her to be associated with the Biblical harlot or the crappy radio DJ).

Lazy Days and Thoughts on Community

Today was a really laid back day. We did a lot, but it wasn't like we were rushed for time. In fact, I have no idea what time it is. We went through 2 time changes and then we had Day Light Savings and I'm all kinds of confused, but it doesn't really matter since I don't really pay much attention to time anyway.

We went to Wilson Creek Winery today and did some wine samplin'. I sniffed and swirled like a professional, I think. I'm really uneducated when it comes to wine, but I got a free wine glass out of the deal!

So last night we were driving back from getting the world's largest sushi boat from Hana and I was watching the houses along the road. We're on a military base so all the people here are either serving or are family of someone serving. What I saw was people with common ground gathering around dinner tables, hanging out in garages, having community. There's like some unspoken bond that everyone just kinda understands. Why don't Christ followers function like that?

We all have the common ground of of being sinners, of being shown grace, and being redeemed by Jesus Christ, but it seems like none of us can get along because of denominational rifts. I'm not just talking about people within my background, but all denominations of people who acknowledge that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. In my 21 years of church going, I have yet to hear a church admit that they have flaws in their religion, but they do. We all have holes in what we believe and we will continue to be that way until we can learn to learn from each other.

The military branches have some rivalry, yes, but when the war comes they're all fighting towards the same goal. Just think of what it would be like if the Army hated the Navy and the Marines didn't agree with the Air Force. Then why can't the Pentecostals break bread with the Christians and the Methodists pray with the Church of Christ? We are all members of one body. Each with its own purpose and gift.

Romans 12 ::

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:
"If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

... Just some thoughts.

Del Mar

Today, I saw the beach. I made a sand castle and destroyed it. I collected seashells and plan to do so everyday for the next six days; the goal is to fill my Nalgene before we leave.



I went in the ocean... it was flipping cold. I ran to the water and the waves hit my shins and then I could not feel them. Then I dove in. It was glorious. (It's taken me almost 2 hours to write this much, I keep getting distracted. We're watching "Pirate Radio" and if you have not seen it you really should. Warning, it's not family friendly.)

P.S. I love California.

Stars over Texas and sunrise in New Mexico

After 30 hours in the car we finally got to Oceanside and then we slept for the next 12. When we started the trip Mandy asked me if I would have rather flown instead of driving, without hesitating I said yes, because I love flying too. Mandy drove the first four hours from St. Louis, which put us at about Joplin. Then we stopped for dinner and switched drivers. The plan was to switch every four hours or so so one person could sleep while the other one drove. I decided that I was going to keep driving until I felt tired. So Oklahoma went by, I wasn't tired. Amarillo went by, still wasn't tired. I drove all the way to Albuquerque, New Mexico (about 12 hours later) before I decided I was feeling a little tired. By that time I had changed my mind about wanting to fly.

I had actually change my mind as we hit Texas when the clouds dispersed and there were the stars. They were almost as bright and as numerous as the ones I saw on the rooftop in Montana last summer. I don't really know what it is about the stars that I love so much, but I know that every time I see them they take my breath away. When I sit and stare at them, all times of my life get to exist at once. Memories of things that have happened, things that are happening right now, things that might happen in the future. They all collide and it's somehow refreshing.

Then we hit New Mexico and the sun burned up the night sky and landscape sang in the light of the sunrise. The rest of New Mexico was beautiful and Arizona was unexpectedly mountainous and gorgeous. The California hills seemed like they would go on forever; rich, dark, luscious, lovely. Needless to say I'm glad we drove.

We're about to go to the beach, but first we're going to finish watching "St. Elmo's Fire." Ha!

It's the final countdown

We’re leaving in a little less than an hour and I think I’m finally ready (Mandy on the other hand has been ready to go since Sunday). I have the directions printed, I have the GPS, I have toll money, I have all my clothes and shower stuff, pillow, blanket, sunglasses, and flip-flops. I am prepared… I think. John Steinbeck makes me think twice about being prepared ::

“Once a journey is designed, equipped, and put in process, a new factor enters and takes over. A trip, a safari, an exploration, is an entity, different form all other journeys. It has personality, temperament, individuality, uniqueness. A journey is a person in itself, no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercing are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us. Tour masters, schedules, reservations, brass bound and inevitable, dash themselves to wreckage on the personality of the trip. Only when this is recognized can the blow-in-the-glass-bum relax and go along with it. Only then do frustrations fall away. In this way a journey is like a marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it. I feel better now, having said this, although only those who have experienced it will understand.” John Steinbeck “Travels With Charley”

Ok, California Trip, let’s see who you really are.

To remember

We leave tomorrow. I have not yet packed anything, well… besides the flip-flops and sunglasses I bought from Target about an hour ago. We are also all set with our “S-only” snacks :: Sweedish Fish, Skittles, Sunflower Seeds, and Some Coffee. Ok, the coffee doesn’t really fit, but it will be a crucial part of the trip.
I’m all moved into the new apartment, and I’m already loving life with Dawn and Julie. It was practically destiny that I lived here. Julie’s first name is Julie, my first name is Julie. My middle name is Dawn, Dawn’s first name is Dawn. Julie :: Julie Dawn :: Dawn. Ain’t life crazy?

Living in a community house/apartment was one of my life goals, and now I get to enjoy life among people I love and whom are iron to my iron. I’m excited to see what kind of change this will yield.

Last night I was talking with Mandy and we were talking about God and life and California and boys and feet and other such things girls talk about, but mainly about God. I don’t cry a lot, but, there are two things that consistently make me cry:: 1) remembering how much God loves me and 2) realizing that I have forgotten Him.

God rejoices when the lost come home and the angels in heaven raise a ruckus when the unsaved become saved. I know the joy that this gives God, but that has not been me. I do not have an awesome testimony that will leave someone speechless or in tears. I’ve spent the entirety of my life knowing God and living in His house. I’m like the nation of Israel who got to see God part the Red Sea and still wants to worship something they’ve made.

I have experienced the awesome healing he has done in my life, and I’ve seen Him do the impossible time and time again, but I still cannot keep a hold of who He is. I forget. When I hit a desert spell, a trough period, a silent time, I feel like I have been left all alone, despite the fact that He has never deserted me, ever. This hurts God. I’m surprised that God has not gotten so fed up with me complaining about my middle-class, white girl tragedies and buried me in a hole with ants. It’s always those who are closest to us that have the ability to hurt us the most. I have no reason to doubt the presence of God in my life, and yet I do. This has always been hard for me to admit because I grew up Christian and people just assume I don’t have doubt, but I can’t keep holding up that mask.
Now, I refuse to. I do have doubt; I have those times when I feel like I’m just talking to myself; I have times where I despise opening up my Bible because it confuses me more than it answers my questions. It’s been a struggle for me to admit this because this means I have failed to remember who He is. I had somehow made myself above needing grace. In the story of the Prodigal Son, I am the older brother. I am the lost one, but, in this realization, I somehow become the younger son in desperate need of being forgiven. So I guess this is just the beginning of my coming home story.

Cal-i-forn-i-a

I cannot wait to get to see New Mexico in the day light, I've driven through there once before, but it was at night and all I saw were giant shadows that I'm guessing were rock formations. Anyway they were breathtaking in the moonlight and I'm hoping that they're even better in the light.

I cannot wait to see the ocean for the first time. I'm sure it will be, as Bradley Hathaway puts it, "a religious experience." I don't care how cold the water is, I'm going in.

I cannot wait to spend LOTS of quality time with my friend Mandy. I know she needs this break a lot more than I do.

But I'm going to have to wait a little longer. Two days and counting.

I'm excited to get to blog about our trip to California and life and anything else that might happen in between. It'll be like getting to take you on the trip with me, only you can't drive... deadbeat... I had a xanga blog when I was in high school/freshman year of college (thirdchildout.xanga.com ... just in case you're curious). I tried to resurrect it last year-ish, but I failed. Which is a shame because I love to write and people tell me that I should do it more often, but I don't. So maybe this time it'll stick? We'll find out.

In the mean time I hope you are doing well and that Monday was kind to you this week :)